Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sweat - based on a true story

She sat down quickly and looked to her left.
She looked to her right.

Everyone was staring at her.

Why is everyone staring at me?

She felt the cool tickle go down her back. A tell tale sign

They are staring at the ever growing huge wet sweat stain on the back of you shirt dingus. Ah that familiar voice.

That evil little voice she heard whenever things didn't go as she wanted. Paranoia.

And guess what girl? You smell too.

I smell? Oh my God. I smell...thats it! Thats why they are all staring! I walk into the only small room in campus smelling like sweat and dirty cootchie. Wait...why would I smell like dirty cootchie?

Well, cause you sweated down there too, idiot. Can you tell me how you got into this Molecular Biology class in the first place?

She sniffed. Nothing.

She looked up to her professor. Still droning on.

She looked to her shoulder slighty and sniffed again.

Underarms are ok. Why did they stare at me so hard though? You know what? I don't care. I can't help that there are no parking spots close to this building. Its not my fault I had to walk clear across campus to get here in this freakin heat. Keep your head held high Jessica. Pay attention.

Ha. You think you can stop caring just like that? See? This is why you are still a single, pathetic loser. You care.You care too freakin much. You see the cute guy you've been crushing on? Yeah. The one all the way on the other side of the room? Yeah. He smells ya. Thats why he keeps looking at you.

Fear gripped her heart. Yup. He smelled he stank butt.

God. I am never gonna find a man. Why do I have to sweat so easily?

Jessica managed to pay attention to the rest of class.

Her heart sank though.

She finally succummed to that evil little voice. She never felt so alone. She finally realized that she was gonna die old, alone and fat. And not because she sweat so easily....but because she talked to herself a little too much.

The class ended and as she gathered up her notes; her crush walked over.

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Act cool Jessica. Act cool.

"Hey. I noticed that when you came in you smelled really nice"

OH MY GOD! HE SMELLED ME!! Act cool Jessica. Act cool.

"What is the name of your perfume?"

"Oh, its not perfume. Its sweat."

7 comments:

  1. LMBO! told you I'd laugh! very cute.

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  2. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha! I love your ending. Haha.

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  3. ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!Girl! I'm cracking up over here. You know haow many times I've hoped nobody smelt my behind.

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  4. Eeeewwww! Funny but eeeewwwww, hate being all sweaty.

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  5. HAHAHA! You too? My sweat is legendary. I really do smell though and not in a compliment on my perfume kind of way.

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