Me: I was watching the Ellen show from the Friday before the Oscars and? She started talking about the weird shows that are on that she didn't know about. Sound familiar??? She be a thief.
Mr. Man: Um. what are you talking about?
Me: Okay rude. How about you support me and read my blog once in a while. I talked about the things I missed because of Elmo. And I talked about shows I missed -
Mr. Man: (interrupting me) Actually that is one I read and you did not talk about weird shows. You talked about a lot of other crap. And besides, she probably did see some weird shows and came up with that joke on her own. She is a comedian after all. So how about you drop it?
Me: No. I will not. She stole my joke!
Mr. Man: She did not steal your joke, cause one? That wasn't a joke and two? She said nothing about Elmo or Kim Kardashians wedding.
Me: Well, babe. First? That was a joke. It was funny. Second? She is not gonna steal me word for word. She knows better. That would be plagiarizing. She stole the idea of the joke.
Mr. Man: (giving me a dead stare) You know what I think? I think you need help.
Me: She stole my bit baby.
Mr. Man: You're bit? Do you even know what you're talking about?
Me: Uh, yeah. Comedians call it that. I think. Maybe. I'm pretty sure.....I don't know.
Mr. Man: See? You don't even know what you are talking about. You can't be a comedian. You're not even funny.
Me: Um, I beg to differ. I get around a hundred hits on my blog per day. Obviously I am freaking hysterical.
Mr. Man: whatever.
Me: You should be upset for me.
Mr. Man: Huh? Why in the world would I do that?
Me: Baby! She stole my joke!
Mr. Man: Hmm....Ok. So let me get this straight. You think that a superstar came to your lowly little, not at all funny blog and stole your joke? And you want me to be upset about that? Don't you think that is just a little far fetched?
Me: First? I dont think...I know she came to my hysterical blog. Its the only way she could have gotten the information for that joke. Second? Ellen obviously didn't come to my site personally. She's too busy trying to save the world. And? If she did, she wouldn't steal my stuff. She's too nice to do that. No, she has a staff. And they found it. And? They stole my joke. They made Ellen think that it was their idea. And? They got paid off of my joke.
Mr. Man: So then if its her staff's fault - why are you blaming Ellen?
Me: Cause she should know better. Ellen should have known it wasn't their usual material. She should have known it was too awesome to come from them.
Mr. Man: So what do you want Ellen to do? Tell the world that she stole your joke?
Me: No. That would be crazy. No. I just want her to give me money. Or a car. Or a vacation. Or send me tickets to her show and pay for a 5 star hotel and of course the flight there. Yeah. That would be good.
Mr. Man: I think this whole conversation is crazy.
Dear Ellen, I'm saying. Just some tickets would be nice.